The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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