CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
