i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We are all done wearing pants today
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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