I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
