is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
