Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
