I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
