ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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