I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
