Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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