Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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