Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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