first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
