Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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