i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
