there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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