I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
