You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
