If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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