this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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