i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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