I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
