Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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