My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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