He disabled his match.com account in front of me
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize