I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
