Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
