I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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