her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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