i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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