Kiss
Puke
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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