I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
