apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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