it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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