I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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