Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
