Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
