Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
