You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
