i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
birth control should be required to get into college
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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