Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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