i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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