Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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