Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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