He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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