I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im having a threesome with these popsicles
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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