I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
