UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
