now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
