i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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