Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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