I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
