I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
