That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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