PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
