how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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