I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
