its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Enjoy the penises
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
