I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
