I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
