she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
