Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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