You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
