Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
