Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
