The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
