I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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