dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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