I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
