Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
