Swine flu. Run for my life!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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